I want to thank everyone who’s been so kind in the wake of our announcement about this Comedy Central opportunity. The messages, comments, blog posts, and emails have all been insanely nice and it means the world to me to see them all. It’s very motivating and makes me want to get this thing right even more than I already did.
With that in mind, I feel like I wanted to just put my motivation out there publicly. This is for a few reasons. First off, I’ve always felt so strongly connected to the fans of this show and feel like they are a huge part of the process. People are already posting suggestions for the pilot on our message board over at the main web site unsolicited, and I think that’s the best. I read them all. Also, I think it’s interesting to let you guys see my thought process - I have a chip on my shoulder and often think about why and this should show that off. Mostly though, I feel like I put this out into the world it will force me to live and die by it a bit more - declare something publicly and you are accountable for it.
So why are we doing this? Why take this thing we love and change it? What motivates that?
The plastic bag flew through the air, unwillingly performing a dance that was erratic yet beautiful. The bag made contact with the windshield of a passing school bus, obstructing the view of the bus driver and sending the bus plummeting into the bottom of the nearby Whippany River, killing everyone inside. “Oh boy,” thought the plastic bag. “I’ve really done it this time.”
The plastic bag was summoned to county court for involuntary manslaughter, where he refused to enter a plea. As a plastic bag, he did not possess the ability to speak. This infuriated the townsfolk, who saw the plastic bag as being arrogant and proud of what he had done. Many in the town seemed to be confused by the capabilities of a plastic bag. His unintentional refusal was determined to be a not guilty plea, and a trial date was set for 6 weeks from plastic bag’s stoic courthouse performance.
Even though the prosecution had numerous witnesses of the plastic bag’s actions (“A bat out of hell,” said Jane Grender, age 78. “It seemed intentional,” said Michael McCary, age 31. “There is no doubt in my mind that he knew what he was doing.” said Rev. Gary Marsh, age 19) the plastic bag’s lawyer seemed confident. “There’s no way they can prosecute you,” said the lawyer. “You’re a plastic bag, and the laws of man do not apply to you.” This eased the plastic bag. “I wish you would respond to me, it’s very unprofessional to continually ignore me,” said the lawyer.
Up until the incident, the plastic bag had lived a very uneventful life, at least by bag standards. He was once used to carry a gallon of milk, which the plastic bag thought was the reason for the pain in the lower half of his body. Once the milk had been taken out of the bag, the bag was taken away by a gust of wind, or fate, depending on what you believe. The bag had then been trapped in a tree for a few weeks, before another gust of wind, or fate, took it away. The bag then landed on the windshield of the bus that plummeted into the bottom of the Whippany River, which was not fate, at least in the bag’s perspective.
The day of the trial attracted much attention from the townsfolk and local media, as well as national media who were captivated by a town putting a plastic bag on trial. The prosecution called the plastic bag a “child murderer” and many other nasty names, which the plastic bag did not appreciate. The jury marveled at how the bag showed little to no emotion in the courtroom, which could probably be attributed to the fact that it was a plastic bag. The defense attempted to make the point that the bag had no idea what he was doing, for obvious reasons, but it was of no use. The jury unanimously said the plastic bag was guilty, and sentenced the bag to death by electrocution.
As the bag sat in the electric chair (where he was seated facing the back of the chair, because the townsfolk couldn’t tell the front from his back), it felt bad for the town. This was a town so stricken with grief that it blamed the death of 43 children and one overweight bus driver on a plastic bag. The bag felt guilty for the deaths, as it realized it played some part in the deaths, but also realized it was a plastic bag with many limitations. The bag was electrocuted at noon, as the whole town watched and celebrated.
The vapors from the burning bag contributed to the death of the executioner, and the smoldering plastic bag was put in handcuffs and sent back to the courthouse, becoming the second person in the history of the town to be arrested after dying.